Learning to Become a Father

Yesterday in Sacrament meeting, our ward choir sang, "Teacher, Do You Love Me?" from the Primary Children's Songbook. We changed the word "Teacher" in the song to "Father," in honor of Father's Day. As the choir director, I had invited some children of the ward to join with us, and they along with some teen members of our choir, sang the first two verses of the song.

Father, do you love me?

Father, will you care for me?

Even if I turn away, or disobey, or go astray,

Then will you love me still?

Father, will you teach me?

Father, help me choose the right.

When I do not understand the Lord's command, please take my hand

And lead me safely with his light.

The women in our choir then joined in for the bridge.

I need your love, I need your light

To show me how to be like Jesus.

The Savior's love will light the path

To lead me safely home.

Finally, the men sang the next two verses, with the entire singing for the final bridge.

Oh yes, my child, I love you.

My child, I'll always care for you.

And with the Savior as our guide, I'll share the light I feel inside,

And you will feel his love for you.

Oh, yes, my child, I'll teach you.

My child, I'll help you choose the right.

And when you do not understand The Lord's command, I'll take your hand,

And he will lead us with his light.

I need your love, I need your light

To show me how to be like Jesus.

The Savior's love will light the path

To lead us safely home.

We hadn't had very many men attend our practices, and I was feeling a little nervous that the desired effect would be lost if we didn't get more men to sing for the musical number. We had a couple choir members do some "recruiting" and the entire Young Men's group ended up joining us for the musical number. As they hadn't practiced with us, they didn't know there were different "teen" and "men's" parts and they sang when their leader sang. But what those young men did touched a spiritual chord within me and I was tearing up all through the song.

It struck me as significant that these young men, who are not yet fathers, were filling the "father" role in our song, almost as if they are recognizing that they have a divine heritage to be fathers and that they are preparing now to fill that divine role.

As these young men learn to fulfill their various priesthood responsibilities, they are preparing to fulfill their divine mission to become fathers with nobility and righteousness. Even if they didn't mean to, I am grateful that they taught me how important it is to begin young to prepare these young men for their eternal role of fatherhood.

The Trap of Perfection Parenting

This post is dedicated to moms. Young moms; experienced moms; tired moms; feeling-rested moms (what is your secret???); "I'm-doing-okay" moms; "this-is-the-worst-day-since-the-beginning-of-ever" moms; all moms. 

Motherhood is hard. Probably most women, on the verge of motherhood, have some idea of how hard it will be and think they are prepared. I sure thought I was. But I was not prepared, not really anyway. I'm not sure that anything short of raising children can fully prepare you. 

Any parent you know who has it all figured out is either lying to you or they are perfect. I am far from a perfect parent. I make mistakes every single day--usually all day long. We all make mistakes. I am beginning to think that parenthood is the ultimate school for becoming as God is--and sometimes, school is just hard.

Sometimes we are pretty sure we are messing up our kids for life. Sometimes we wake up with our patience spread thin as egg shells. Sometimes we don't do that art project they're begging to create; OR we just don't have it in us to play dolly princess one more time; OR we lose our cool when they needed us to lose our judgement and just give them a hug. And then we feel terrible because, once again, we failed at Perfection Parenting.

In pop culture this is usually called "mom guilt." If we look at it in terms of spirituality, we might recognize these thoughts as an attack on behalf of the enemy. I was once told by a professor that one of Satan's most effective and favored tools is discouragement. If he can make you feel discouraged, a big part of his battle is over. Discouragement is an effective tool against God's plan because when you are discouraged, you don't want to keep going. You might think, "what's the point? I'll just mess up again. May as well quit now." But the Lord's plan involves a lot of picking ourselves up and dusting ourselves off, apologizing, and trying a little harder next time. 

YOU are a powerful woman because you are a woman of God, a daughter of King, with divine DNA flowing through your being. YOU are a powerful woman because you are a mother. You have been entrusted with the most important task any human being has been given: raising those precious little spirits you've been sent and bringing them up in the light of the Lord. Satan sees how much power you have and he doesn't like it. He doesn't want  you to be powerful or influential. And if he can convince you that you aren't good enough for any reason, he's put a serious wedge in your ability to raise those sweet children up to their Father in Heaven. If Satan convinces you to live in guilt, he is keeping you from living in the spirit. 

So today, I just want to echo what Elder Holland has said (see quote above): You are doing better than you realize. A loving Heavenly Father gave you this job, this calling (and I do believe it is a calling). President Monson has said, "Remember that whom the Lord calls, the Lord qualifies." He spoke these words to the priesthood brethren in a General Priesthood meeting, but I believe they are a promise that applies to every calling, including motherhood. This thing that you're doing is hard. It is. I'm right there with ya. But you've got this because you have an all-powerful Being and His angels on your side. Don't let yourself fall prey to the trap of perfection parenting. Don't give in to the "mom guilt." When Heavenly Father sent His children to you, I don't think He expected you to raise them perfectly, but to raise them with love and the spirit. He expected you to be YOU and give them what only YOU can. YOU are exactly the person those children need in their lives, right now, this very moment. YOU are their mother for a reason. YOU are the mother Heavenly Father wanted for those children and He knows you have what it takes. He knows you'll give them exactly what they need. So pick yourself up, dust yourself off, apologize if you need to, and move forward with faith and trust that Heavenly Father will see you through this duty. Because He will. Just ask Him and He will be there. You've got this, mamma. You got this.

And just as a side note, I'm pretty sure ice cream was created for the sole purpose of helping you unwind and feel good after a long day. It's a good thing. So no guilt from eating that ice cream, either. Deal? 😉

I Am a Child of God

Many months ago, my brother told me about a conversation he had had with a friend. The friend had asked my brother this question: "If you were the most powerful person in the universe and could change anything about the world, what would you change?" My brother and his friend hypothesized about the various evils and injustices of the world, choosing something and then deciding that something else must surely be more evil and if we rid the world of that evil, it would most definitely be a better place.

Then one day I was thinking about this exact question. What would I choose? Somehow, choosing to eradicate a certain evil just seemed like the wrong approach. As I pondered more, this quote by President Boyd K. Packer came into my mind:

"True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior. 

"The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior. . . . That is why we stress so forcefully the study of the doctrines of the gospel."

["Little Children," CR October 1986]

This was why I felt that eliminating specific evils from the world wouldn't work. It is doctrine which changes behavior. We learn this truth in the Book of Mormon, when Alma went on a mission to the Zoramites.

"And now, as the preaching of the word had a great tendency to lead the people to do that which was just—yea, it had had more powerful effect upon the minds of the people than the sword, or anything else, which had happened unto them—therefore Alma thought it was expedient that they should try the virtue of the word of God." [Alma 31:5]

As I made this realization, that true doctrine was the answer to really changing the world, the primary song "I am a Child of God" filled my mind and I was suddenly overwhelmed with the thought that this was the answer. I knew that if I were asked what I would change in the world, this song and the doctrines in them were my answer. If it were possible to imbue into the hearts of every man, woman, and child on this earth their divine heritage, the injustices and evils of the world would become changed through the people. They would be eliminated! The world would become a better place if only people knew who they were--Whose they were. Can you sense what a powerful doctrine this is? Can you feel the strength that comes from knowing your divinity? Can you glimpse the ramifications for your own future, not to mention the futures of your children and grandchildren, if you truly knew and lived the doctrine that you are a child of God? I feel that I can only barely glimpse the power of this myself--but that faint glimmer of understanding is there and I want to see and feel more of it.


I've found this quote from President Gordon B. Hinckley, which illustrates perfectly what I mean.

"It is not asking too much, is it, to take a few minutes of each day to speak with your Father in Heaven when you know that you are a child of God?
"If you really know that you are a child of God, you will also know that He expects much of you, His child. He will expect you to follow His teachings and the teachings of His dear Son, Jesus. He will expect you to be generous and kind to others. He will be offended if you swear or use foul language. He will be offended if you are dishonest in any way, if you should cheat or steal in the slightest. He will be happy if you remember the less fortunate in your prayers to Him. He will watch over you and guide you and protect you. He will bless you in your schoolwork and in your Primary. He will bless you in your home, and you will be a better boy or girl, obedient to your parents, quarreling less with your brothers and sisters, helping about the home.
"And thus you will grow to be a strong young man or woman in this Church. You will also be a better member of the community. . . .
"Never forget, my dear young friends, that you really are a child of God who has inherited something of His divine nature, one whom He loves and desires to help and bless. I pray that our Heavenly Father will bless you. May He smile with favor upon you. May you walk in His paths and follow His teachings. May you never speak the evil language that boys and girls are inclined to speak at school. May you ever be prayerful unto Him, praying always in the name of His Beloved Son, the Lord Jesus Christ. May each of us resolve to always follow Him in faith. May life be kind to you, for you are indeed a child of God, worthy and deserving of His love and blessing."
["You Are a Child of God," CR April 2003]

If I could teach my children only one thing, I would choose this: They are Children of an Almighty God, who loves them deeply. He cares about them and their choices. He will always be there for them; He watches over them. He is their Father and because of this they have a divine heritage, which, if nurtured, will grant them happiness and fulfillment.

Primary Programs & Children's Testimonies

When I first decided to revive this blog, I couldn't remember why I had stopped writing in it the first place. There are many reasons, of course, but a major one is just the time! I've literally sat down to write in this blog three times since last week but someone needs my attention, the computer has to reboot, the laundry is suddenly done and....you get the picture. I've also been doing some food preserving lately. We've done three different jam varieties, corn, pears, applesauce, and dehydrated apples. I have a whole new respect for my grandmother's and mother's generations, who preserved food all during harvest. Man, it takes a lot of time!

But for the topic at hand. My children had their primary program on Sunday. I look forward to the primary program all year and I'm always just a little sad when it's over, knowing we won't have another one for a full year. I love watching the children. The smiles, the shy turns of heads, the exuberant (or barely voiced) songs, the parts so diligently memorized and forgotten, and most especially the testimonies.

One of the things I love most about children is their zest for life. They wake up happy in the morning; they make friends; they forgive and forget; they go to bed happy--and then they do it all over again. That zest and excitement for life is so eagerly applied to their love for the gospel. It's an infectious love! It would be nearly impossible to attend a primary program, to listen to those children sing "I Love to See the Temple" or "Scripture Power" and not notice & be affected by their testimonies of the words they are singing.

The spirit was definitely present at this meeting. Every moment the presence of the Holy Ghost could be felt but I want to specifically mention a couple songs. One of the songs the children had prepared was "Praise to the Man." This is a powerful song anyway but I was so struck by the children singing it. The first verse was sung by a small group of the oldest boys in primary, as well as all the boys who have left primary this year to join the young men as deacons. Oh! I wish I had words to express the feeling I had when those boys started to sing that song. It was so powerful! I had chills and goosebumps.


Another amazing song was "We'll Bring the World His Truth." The change was almost physical, felt throughout the entire chapel. You could just tell there was something about this song that touched the hearts of the members of my ward--myself included. As I was listening I realized it was that song that put the desire to serve a mission into my heart when I was young. The Lord's plan for me was different than my own (hence getting married instead of serving a mission) but this song made me want to serve a mission so badly! I could see in the eyes of some of the children singing on Sunday that they felt the same way! And the presence of the Holy Ghost was unmistakable. It was beautiful!



Our children have such powerful testimonies and when they all combine their testimonies together, it can create a life changing, deep, spiritual feast. I hope I am never too busy to listen to the testimonies of my children. I hope I am never too impatient to wait for them to share their best with me. I hope I am never too proud to remember my children are my greatest teachers.

Let's Revive This Blog

It's been a long, long time since I've posted anything on this blog! I do not know why, but I have felt impressed that I need to start it back up again. What am I going to be posting? I have no idea. Who will read it? Maybe no one. But that isn't the point. The point is that I need to be better at following the promptings I receive from the Holy Ghost and I really feel that writing on this blog is something I'm being directed to do at this time in my life.

It's been a really long time since I posted anything here. Seven years, in fact. Seven! That's such a long time. I had all but forgotten about this blog, in fact. Then a couple weekends ago my husband, Dan, and I attended his niece's sealing in the Rexburg, Idaho, temple. While I was sitting there, thinking about the beautiful place a temple is and learning even more about symbolism and what the temple really means for us (I'll post about this experience later), I suddenly thought, "I need to write about this." As I pondered on that thought I wondered how I should write about it. I was just thinking of my journal when I received a very distinct thought that I should write about it on this blog. I have learned that, for me personally, when I get a thought out of nowhere, especially about something so far removed from my daily thoughts as this blog was, that it is an inspired thought.

As I said, that was a couple weekends ago and I am just now getting to this. Why so long? Because I ignored the prompting. But then as time has gone on, the thought keeps coming to me more and more frequently. So I'm choosing to follow that prompting and revive this blog. And I suppose we'll see where it goes. :)

Since it's been so long I think I should reintroduce myself and my family.

I am married to the most wonderful man for me. His name is Dan and he is my perfect companion. He completes me in every way. We met as students attending BYU-Idaho--we were in the same Family Home Evening group. It's a pretty classic story. :) After dating for about six months, we were sealed in the Logan, Utah, temple. That was just over ten years ago and what a great ten years they've been! Ups and downs, learning curves, laughter and tears. Truly there is opposition in all things and getting through all the tough times makes marriage even better.

I am also a mother to three beautiful and busy children. My Liv is six years old; she is my daily dose of sunshine. Dal is four and he is spunky and sensitive and sweet and my little buddy. And James is one year old and is already so busy but his smiles can light up a room. This is my beautiful family in my beautiful life.

My family is my everything; without them, I wouldn't be the person I am today. I would be incomplete. But in addition to being a wife and mother, I am also a daughter, a granddaughter, a niece, aunt, cousin, friend. I am a baker always looking for a good reason to make cupcakes; a note writer and collector of cute note cards; a vocalist, primarily of classical music, but I dream of singing easy jazz and oldies (like, really old); a chocolate lover, particularly good German dark chocolate; and a recovering perfectionist. Welcome to my world.

Family and Marriage Relationship

Elder K. Brett Nattress was the presiding authority at our Stake Conference this time. He shared so many wonderful insights and challenges with us. I loved hearing him speak each time he got up and I think I learned so much from him. It was truly inspired to have him at our conference.

In the Saturday evening session, Elder Nattress talked a little to us about families and our relationship with our spouse. These are a couple of the things he said:

• Mothers in Zion bearing testimony to their children is the one bright shining hope. {This particular quote made me wonder, 'What does it take to be a Zion mother?' I'm not currently a mother, not even close really, but right now is when I can be preparing to be a mother. Hearing this segment of Elder Nattress's talk made me wonder what I should be doing in my life now to prepare to become a Zion mother someday. I don't think I have the answers but I think I'm gradually figuring it out.}
  
• No matter what you do, your job or station in life, you will never rise above your relationship with your spouse.
• Look to each other, only, first and always forever.
• Serve one another. Give of yourself to your loved ones and you will grow to love them more.
• Pray together. Small and simple thing are significant.
• Your relationship is eternal. Never let anything or anyone come between you and your spouse.

Elder Nattress also talked a lot {both days} about Prophetic Patterns. Those things which the Brethren, the General Authorities and Apostles of the church always do that create righteous patterns in their lives, and how we can follow their examples in these patterns. One pattern Elder Nattress mentioned to us is how the Brethren approach all new things by asking these two questions:

1. Will this strengthen my testimony of Jesus Christ?
2. Will this strengthen my family?

I was glad to hear these two questions and learn more about this prophetic pattern. It is such a good way to be sure that we never allow things into our lives and families that will not answer affirmatively to both of those questions.

I always love hearing thoughts from the Brethren on what we should be doing in our families. It is one entity that is certainly under attack from Satan. I'm glad for the help we receive from our priesthood leaders to know how we can thwart the power of Satan and grow as strong family units. I hope that DH and I can always stay focused on the one thing that really matters: our family.

Effort brings happiness

"Strong family relationships require effort, but this effort is what brings happiness now and forever."
Brother in Stake Conference
10/09

This brother's story: After being married civilly to his wife for a year, this brother was blessed to be able to take his wife to the temple and be sealed to her for time and all eternity. A couple short weeks later, they welcomed their first baby into this world.
As this brother shared his testimony of the importance of eternal families, my own testimony of strengthened of the temple and eternal families. I am so grateful that I have been sealed to my wonderful husband in God's Holy House and that we have the promises of forever together if we keep our covenants. This is a great source of comfort and peace in my life.